


erosion

by hwannies



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Death, Funeral, Lots of Angst, This is just painful, a lot of crying, everyone is trying their best, fluff if you squint, hmmmmm, i can't write angst to save my life but i had to write this, i wonder who's Dying, i'm sorry bang yedam, its bittersweet, tbh i'm sorry treasure, there are happy moments in here i promise, there is so much crying, what else do i tag just read it and weep, yedam centric, yedam/everyone is platonic or romantic lol u decide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwannies/pseuds/hwannies
Summary: yedam's waited his whole life for this chance, this moment to shine with his members on the stage he calls home. but nothing can ever work out for long, can it?akayedam's dying and all the members can do is watch.
Relationships: Bang Yedam/Everyone
Comments: 22
Kudos: 56





	1. death waits for no one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot write angst without some sort of happiness in it i swear to god. this is not alll angst, im telling u its happy in there. hope u have fun reading this joyride as much as i had fun writing and crying about it. <333

"hyung, can i take off today? my back is killing me." yedam chuckled, bending backwards a bit to stretch his back. "and by killing i mean it's physically numbing me as i stand."

"you need to go to the doctor's, yedamie? will it heal up?" jihoon asked, concerned. he gestured for yedam to lift the back of his shirt, the younger complying, and pressed his fingers into his back to hopefully get out some sore spots.

"i'm pretty sure they're just like, that flu ache, hyung. you know, when you're really tired and everything's aching? yeah, that thing." yedam kept smiling, wincing whenever jihoon pressed a little too hard into his back.

the older boy frowned, pulling yedam's shirt back down once he finished. "alright," he tilted his head in concern, petting the back of yedam's head. "i'll tell hyunsuk you're going to be at the dorms, okay?" yedam nodded and jihoon headed out to call the other members to practice.

yedam's smile immediately dropped once jihoon was out of his sight, lips curling into a frown of immense pain, eyebrows furrowing. he made his way back to his room, laying down on the bunk bed on his front so his back could get some stretching, withstanding the momentary pain before it calmed down.

(somewhat. and it wasn't momentary.)

-

"this is the third day, hyung. you sure you don't need to go?" doyoung rubbed his hand on yedam's back, helping the older drink some tea to calm his pounding headache. yedam just nodded, vision spinning, as he lightly slammed his head onto doyoung's shoulder. "hyung. hyung?" the older boy blinked a bit, regaining focus before staring at back doyoung.

"let's go to the doctors." they said in unison, nodding and immediately scrambling to make a doctor's appointment.

-

"you're sure there's nothing wrong?" hyunsuk said in distress, yedam struggling to maintain focus in the chair next to him, gripping onto the metal handles so tightly his knuckles were going to turn white any second now. "he's just ill?"

"for the time being, yes. if anything else happens just let us know, but we currently can't seem to diagnose anything from the tests we ran." the doctor's lips pursed, looking over the documents one more time before handing them to their manager with the click of his tongue. "my apologies."

they left the hospital defeated, hyunsuk's head hanging low as they walked to their van. "i'm sorry, yedam."

"s'okay, hyung. he's right, i'm sure it's temporary, okay? don't worry so much."

-

a week passed then a month, and soon it's been six weeks and yedam seemed to be weakening with every passing minute. yeah. _minute_.

following a week or so of sitting in a chair on the sidelines like he had a short term physical injury (this was not short term, and in no way was this only _physical_ ), he'd been trying to catch up to everything after being placed on a hiatus, one that disappointed practically everyone around him, including himself. it had been so long waiting for fans to see him and now he was stuck again, in another involuntary hiatus, away from everyone.

he doesn't like saying he "hates" things very often, since he thought that was "too strong of a word", but he certainly can say—with 100% confidence—that he fucking _hates_ this.

the members had all been concerned for him in the time leading up to this announcement as well, having no idea what was going on with him. they tried tending to him however they could, but with no diagnosis, there was no way they could predict what yedam would be going through each day, which tired them out to no end.

he felt guilty every time he saw junkyu frantically running around getting medicines that never seemed to work or jaehyuk massaging his back as he sobbed because there were some knots that just _wouldn't_ go or even when they all left him in the dorms for the fifth week, the eyes of the youngest few glossing over as yedam held onto the doorframe to keep steady and waved goodbye once again, tired smile and droopy eyes reflecting how they were all really feeling.

yedam wished he knew too, wished he could tell them exactly what was happening to him, but every time he went back to the doctor's, they kept saying they couldn't diagnose anything (which yedam just claimed as _bullshit_ at this point. because no way in hell was there nothing wrong with him, not when he could barely lift a finger to hold his microphone).

"please, i know i _damnit_ , i can do this, just one _agh_ more time." yedam begged, tugging on jihoon's arm, trying to keep balance as he was stood and not feel like he was standing on clouds. "i, _shit_ , i'll get this down, _please_ , jihoonie hyung."

jihoon shook his head, trying the best he can to ignore yedam's pleading eyes and keep his cool exterior, taking a deep breath to center himself. "you're hurt, yedam. go home and rest."

tears welled up in yedam's eyes, lips trembling before he finally let go of the grip he had on jihoon, shuffling over to grab his bookbag and sling it over his shoulder, limping out of the studio. he was holding his back, pain now searing up his spine and into his neck, gritting his teeth as he made his way into the night and walked slowly back to the dorm.

jihoon watched as he left, unconsciously sniffling and wiping his nose before anything worse happened, because he couldn't break, not yet. he turned the music on again, dancing his heart out of his chest so it didn't break on the inside of his body.

-

"hyung?"

"hm? what's up, haruto?" yoshinori turned from his computer, inviting the taller into the room. haruto sat down on his bed, fidgety and nervous.

"yedamie hyung..." haruto began, trailing off after not being able to figure out what to say.

"you're concerned about him too, aren't you?" he sighed, a concerned but sweet look in his eyes, ready for anything that was going to come out of the younger. haruto didn't want to, _couldn't_ look back at him, instead squeezing his eyes shut and subconsciously beginning to rock back and forth.

"hyung, nori, yoshi, yoshi what if he _dies_?" haruto said forcefully, breath picking up, a jumble of korean and japanese leaving his mouth because of his panicking. "what if yedamie hyung _dies_? nothing seems to be getting _better_ and nothing's _working_ and nobody knows what's _wrong_ and—"

yoshinori quickly got up from his seat and sat down next to haruto within seeing his suffering, bringing him in for a tight hug. the younger gladly accepted, throwing his arms around the older's shoulders and digging his nails into his back. haruto sobbed into yoshinori's chest, uttering incoherent concerns and mumbles that spilled out all at once after being held in for so long.

"yedam's not going to die, ruto ya," yoshinori whispered shakily, uncertain if he even believed the words he was saying as he kissed haruto's temple, pulling him in closer. "he's not."

-

yedam was frustrated, so _frustrated_. things were getting worse, not better at all, all in the span of another month. everything and nothing started coming together to form some weird gray area in his brain and nothing made _sense_. he tried his best to have conveyed this to the group, but it never seemed like he got his message across, not when it was becoming increasingly hard for him to even remember their _names_.

he wished, how he wished everything would just be okay so he could be back on the stage and in his element and be _happy_. with the rate things were happening, that didn't seem to even be even close to possible.

he'd been registered to a rehabilitation center, an act of desperation from the company, he thinks, since there wasn't any way he could stay at the hospital for being undiagnosed. the room he was placed in was surrounded by pictures of everyone he knew and loved, an early attempt of getting yedam to retain his memories, which slowly began failing at the rate his vision was worsening. assorted foods brought from home laid half-eaten on the windowsill and nightstand, and there was a chair that reclined for anyone who wanted (or needed) to stay the night, blanket draped over the top.

"mashi, no, jaehyukkie," yedam mumbled, looking up from the bed, trying so hard to make out _who_ that was, _who_ was in front of him? did he know them? right he did, had to know them somehow if they were in his room and he can make out who they are but _who **are** you_? "can you," he winced, another painful wave of muscle contractions coursing through his body. "hold my, _hhhh_ , h-hand?"

asahi nodded, moving to place his hand in yedam's and watched as yedam squeezed tightly, arm covering his eyes to distract from the pain. "hurts," the younger whimpered, eyes closed tightly shut in an attempt not to cry again, because god knows how much he's cried ever since he was sent here. "hurts so much, j-jaehyukkie."

"i know, yedam, i know. you're so strong, yedamie," asahi whispered quietly, rubbing his fingers across yedam's knuckles to provide as much comfort as he could. he watched with a solemn smile as the younger's face scrunched up into a deep frown and yedam breathed heavily, exhausted. "jae's proud of you."

-

there were a few days, though, that things seemed to look up. a few days that turned everything around, if only for a little bit. a few days that gave them a sliver of hope, even if the gleam happened in the blink of an eye.

the older four had taken care of yedam the night before, given an off day by the company, scattered around his room and sleeping soundly. hyunsuk had taken the windowsill, junkyu and yoshinori shared the bed of the other person that was next to yedam who had just left, and jihoon laid on the recliner, snoring.

yedam slowly woke up, eyes blinking and looking around the room at the older members, squinting a bit to focus. he adjusted himself on the bed with careful movements and was confused at the burst of energy he suddenly got. "ji-jihoonie hyu-hyung?" he said, looking closely at the person on the recliner who he was so sure was his second oldest member.

jihoon stirred, looking around frantically for who called his name. "where what happened who—"

"me."

jihoon whipped his head over to see yedam awake, the younger using his best effort to attempt what he hoped was a smile, eyes shining a bit brighter than they usually did. jihoon couldn't believe his eyes, blubbering and stuttering a bit in shock. "you, you _know_ me, jihoon." he whispered softly, pointing at himself, yedam squinting before nodding steadily, almost sure of himself. "you know me!" jihoon said louder, waking up the other three on accident but too excited to care.

"is everything okay?" junkyu mumbled, grumbling from the bed. "what time is—"

"yedam knows me! he knows i'm jihoon!" jihoon exclaimed, now pointing with a newfound vigor, jumping up and down excitedly. junkyu sat up suddenly with surprise and hurried over to yedam's bed, shoving jihoon aside in the process, earning a glare from the older.

"you know him? what about me?" junkyu pointed at himself with shaky, excited hands, jihoon smacking him on the arm.

"it's not the time for that!"

"but let's just se—"

"junkyu h-hyung." yedam said slowly, surprising the pair once again. "r-right?"

"holy _shit_ ," junkyu took a step back, dumbfounded at the words coming out of yedam's mouth and nodding. "that's right, damie. i'm junkyu hyung."

"jihoon? junkyu?" hyunsuk said groggily, waking up from all the commotion.

from across the room, yoshinori got up as well, quickly rushing over once seeing yedam was awake. "he's okay, right?"

"do you know them?" jihoon pointed to the other two who were still slightly sleep deprived. yedam tried his best to look back and recollect what he had before shaking his head, close to tears again.

"s-sorry." he whimpered, frustrated as quiet tears started falling onto the blanket below him. the mood became slightly somber before hyunsuk took the initiative to comfort yedam.

"it's okay, yedamie." hyunsuk moved the other members aside and held yedam's face in his hands, swiping with his thumbs the tears that rolled down yedam's cheeks. "i'm hyunsuk and that's yoshinori."

"are," yedam took a deep breath, lost in the effort to talk and the crying, trying steadily to say what he wanted to. "you my hyungs?" hyunsuk nodded, kissing yedam's forehead gently.

"yeah baby, we are."

-

"he can walk?!" jeongwoo gawked, watching and pointing at yedam slowly walking the short distance, using the metal beams for help and a staff member behind him to keep him steady just in case he fell.

the staff member standing next to jeongwoo chuckled, leaning over a bit and looking at the youngest four's comically astounded faces. "yes, he can right now."

yedam lifted up his head to look at the four standing near the wall looking on in awe, giving them a gentle smile. all of them immediately held two thumbs up, grinning widely and cheering him on with little fist pumps.

after the small session was over and yedam had returned back to his room, doyoung, haruto, jeongwoo, and junghwan all piled into bed with the older, two on each side of him.

"i'm proud of you, yedamie hyung. you walked today!" jeongwoo exclaimed excitedly, squeezing yedam's hand happily at the signs of recovery. yedam smiled and rested his cheek on top of doyoung's head.

"i, i did, jeongwoo ah." he pushed out, breathing heavily afterwards from the effort but still pulling the four boys closer to him with as much energy as he could, grinning from ear to ear. "i walked today. so i'll be okay, yeah? no need to cry for me, promise you won't."

"i can't promise th—"

"promise me," yedam stated sternly, tears in his eyes as he held up his pinkies on both hands, sudden change in behavior shocking the members beside him. "you won't cry anymore, not for me. _please_."

doyoung sighed, grabbing yedam's pinky and holding it tightly in his hand, the older throwing his head back and blinked his tears back. "we won't, right?" the younger three nodded along, haruto wiping his tears before they fell and junghwan cuddling up to yedam. "so don't worry about it, hyung."

-

of course, good things don't last forever. they never do. they _can't_.

gradually, all the improvements he had attempted to make, all the milestones of his life he had to achieve for a second time (he mentally laughs when he thinks about the fact that he had to take his first steps for a _second_ time) were thrown back down the drain as his health, both mental and physical, started to return to what they were before. memories gradually began to fade, name recognition beginning to dissolve bit by bit once again.

except this time, there were no longer signs of getting better as the weeks passed by them again. there were no "good" days to look out for, the other members soon realized as time passed them by. the days where yedam would _maybe_ remember someone's face or could _maybe_ attempt to feed himself or _maybe_ attempt to even _move_ were not coming back. too far out of reach.

it took a toll on them, that much was clear. it wasn't fun seeing their member and friend and _brother_ forget who they were, let alone what they've done together. every word that even came out of yedam's mouth was more painful than the last, if he even spoke anymore. he couldn't even remember _himself_ and that hurt, because yedam was _yedam_. and if yedam doesn't even know himself, what does that make them?

"jaehyukkie ya," jihoon knocked on the door to let the younger know he was there. jaehyuk was lying down, face to the pillow, unmoving. "yoon jaehyuk," jihoon moved closer and sat down at the edge of the bed, rubbing up and down on jaehyuk's back. "what's wrong, jae?"

a few beats of silence passed by before jaehyuk spoke. "it doesn't feel right, hyung." he mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow. "why did it have to be, be," he took a deep breath, back rising and falling steadily, " _him_?"

jihoon sat there, thinking of the right words to say. "i wish i knew, jaehyukkie. if we knew, this would hurt a little less, right?" he chuckled sadly with a tinge of bitterness for the situation at hand. "but for now, we just have to deal with whatever happens," a choked sob came from jaehyuk and jihoon sighed, not a mean one but one that told the younger "i know, i understand", and he continued speaking. "and if that means providing yedam with what we can? yeah, we're going to do it. right?"

jaehyuk sat up, turning into jihoon's side and sighed, indirectly telling jihoon "i'm exhausted". the older pouted, wrapping his arms around jaehyuk, pulling him in closer. "yeah me too, i know. but chin up, hm? i know yedamie wants us to keep our head up, okay? we can at least do that much for him," jaehyuk threw his head back, blinking back tears and let out another long, sad sigh. "jae...is there something else?" jihoon asked, ever so attentive as he watched the way jaehyuk shifted and held onto his pillow tightly, watched how jaehyuk's eyes didn't know where, _what_ to focus on.

"will he be okay?" jaehyuk choked out, willing his voice not to break with all his might as he closed his eyes, leaning into jihoon and taking a deep breath through his nose.

jihoon only held him tighter as a response.

-

"hyung! i—oh." junghwan stopped in his tracks once he he saw jeongwoo, who quickly wiped his tears away.

"h-hey, junghwan ah, come on in." the older smiled, clearly faking, and gestured him inside. his eyes were oh so puffy and nose red, continuously patting his eyes so the tears wouldn't spill.

"oh hyung." junghwan walked straight towards jeongwoo and dove in for a hug, caressing the back of jeongwoo's head with one hand and his body with the other. the older lost it at the sweet action, something he needed and hadn't gotten in a long while, not bothering to hold in the sounds of him crying when everything just hurt so, so bad that letting go was the only thing he _could_ do.

"i k-know," jeongwoo said through his gasps for air, junghwan trying to shush him but to no avail. "i _know_ yedamie hyung said don't cry but i couldn't _help_ it, he's _dying_ , junghwannie, he's gonna be gone." he sobbed even harder, fisting sections of junghwan's shirt into little balls. the youngest could feel the deep tear stains already forming on his shirt, lips trembling but taking a deep breath. jeongwoo didn't need junghwan crying right now, he needed _to_ cry.

"h-hyung," junghwan said, voice cracking. he cleared his throat in an attempt to stable himself. "we have to...you, you can cry, hyung, it's okay." that's all he could get out before he too broke down, overwhelmed by the emotions in the room. the two youngest members slowly lowered themselves and sat down in the middle of the room as their legs gave out, crying into each other's shoulders.

mashiho looked around for jihoon in the dorm when he heard the sobs from jeongwoo's room and quickly detoured, immediately rushing over once he saw the sight in front of him and scooped the two maknaes into a hug. they opened up and each threw an arm around the older member, mashiho holding them tight in his arms. "what happened, are you hurt, is everything okay?" the older mumbled, calmingly stroking both of their heads.

"ye-yedamie hyung." jeongwoo croaked out, trying his best to bury himself deeper into the crook of mashiho's neck, thinking that maybe, maybe then everything will just disappear, that this was all just some dark, long nightmare and if he thought hard enough, he could wake up and yedam would be right there at the doorway, healthy and standing and ready for a hug.

but he wasn't.

mashiho understood; of course he did. there was no need for elaborations, for excuses, twists and turns in such a clear-cut story. this wasn't anything easy to deal with and there was only one foreseeable end result from, well, any of this. "i know, i'm sorry, i know," was the only thing he could whisper in between their heads as his grip around their bodies tightened.

"i'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh pls emotionally prepare urself for the next part?? i guess is all i have 2 say??? because things go downhill very...very fast. not that things didn't already go downhill fast here, but the next chapter practically starts with the...yeah. that's all i gotta say. read on! :D
> 
> if you've stopped here:  
> find me at @HWANNlES on twitter (the i is a lowercase L)!  
> see you next time! :D


	2. it's time to say goodbye

treasure were making their way to a music show, having practiced hard for the past month or so to make their comeback as 11 members, forced to continue with their career as a break would have been labeled "suspicious", according to the marketing department. jihoon kind of wanted to smack them when he heard the news.

it was clear to the public that there was something wrong, worryingly off-putting, as yedam had been on hiatus for who knows how long. but being yg, there were no statements to be made other than "yedam is injured and resting so he will not be participating in this comeback at this time. he'll be cheering and sending support to the 11 members for this comeback."

the members still tried to keep everything normal, though, with constant updates on social media and other recorded contents being released. that didn't mean something didn't feel wrong, be it the way the two leaders looked at each other like they'd been through hell and back, or the way jeongwoo wasn't as bubbly and excited, no longer making jokes like he used to, or how each member's eyes gradually began to hold the stories of a million lifetimes, or even how the activities they did together slowly started to become more and more tame, no longer traveling far and wide. they couldn't afford to, with yedam in the state he was.

their manager got a phone call.

"mhm. yes. bang yedam? what happened?" he turned to jihoon, the leader in the car, eyes wide with shock. jihoon's eyes widened along with him once eye contact, coming to too many conclusions at once, expectant of everything and nothing all at once. "okay, thank you." he put his phone away, turning to the driver solemnly. "make a detour. head to this address, right now, and quickly." he swiftly pulled up the address of the rehab center on his phone and clipped it onto the phone grip, the driver following suit and making the appropriate turns, speeding up.

"yedam? what's wrong with yedam?" jihoon said, rushed as he moved up. the members in the car slowly started turning their devices off, sensing a shift of energy in the car. "hold on w-what, why are we going back to the rehab center, we, we have a stage today on inkigayo?" the leader nervously chuckled, staring at their manager for answers. the older man kept quiet, not wanting to relay the news, and only turned back around to face forward.

the silence persisted as each member started to come to their own conclusions, doyoung speaking up first. " _no_ ," he whispered, unable to believe what was happening. " _no way_." he leaned forward, grabbing the seats in front of him and pulling himself as close as he could to the manager. "hyung, it's not, he can't have, not today, _right_?" quiet gasps started coming from the other members as they started realizing what happened.

"step on it. _now_."

-

in the other car, their other manager had gotten the message from the first manager, a similar commencing from the members in this car.

hyunsuk only paused when hearing the second manager's side of the conversation, slowly taking his earbuds out and turning back to realize everyone was distracted in conversation. "yedamie...yedam's not—" he stopped, at a loss for words. the manager turned to hyunsuk, not realizing the leader was listening before just giving him a simple nod. "he can't be, he can't, not, that's not _possible_."

the other members took notice of the way hyunsuk was acting and slowly tuned into what was going on. "hyung? w-what's wrong?" junghwan said from the back, studying hyunsuk's expression carefully, understanding everything before anyone else did, a small gasp leaving his lips. the other members looked at him, confused, as the youngest closed in on himself. his lips were sealed shut, slinking back into his seat, eyes unfocused.

"yedam is, yedam's..." hyunsuk trailed off, unable to make any eye contact with the rest of them, unable to find the right words. "yedam's dead." he spit out quickly, slapping his hands over his mouth and wincing once he got it out, holding in a cry.

it took the members a few moments to register what he said before junghwan started sniffling, snapping them out of their trance of shock. everyone turned to face him, and to see their youngest in so much _suffering_ , experiencing losing a friend at so _young_ , started the first of many tears to stream down their faces.

-

in his last moments of life, yedam's breath slowed down. his already lax body became even more numb, mind disassociating from the rest of the world, everything shut out and tuned in all at once. sounds had faded out long ago, just a loud high pitched noise filling the emptiness in his head. his eyes remained closed, a flash of white before he saw things.

everything.

he remembered his name. bang yedam. that was who he was, he was sure of it. he was k-pop star contestant, yg's longest running trainee, "god" yedam. the soul with the kindest heart, the sneakiest actions, the fox-like looks and the voice dripping with honey.

he remembered every single memory and sound and moment and the good and the bad and his family and his friends and his members and his homes, both of them, his family and treasure. his homes, who he knew were always with him no matter what happens.

he knew, yedam knew they were coming for him. they'd see him, right? they'd see him go. yeah, they would. they wouldn't let him die alone, no way, they were here in the room, before their comeback, here in the room with him. they were having a comeback, he knew that, of course he did, the faint words doyoung had muttered one night coming back to him, something he made sure to remember, because they were coming back and it was so, so _special_ each time because they _made_ it. he knew they could do it without him, they worked so hard, he knows they have. he was so proud of them, they'd made it so far. he's made it far too, he's made them proud. he's made everyone proud.

smiling. flatline.

-

the 11 boys piled into the building, swiping visitor bracelets off the countertop as they ran by and taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, too impatient. they hurriedly rushed to yedam's floor and stopped in their tracks when they saw his parents sitting outside, yedam's mom hunched over and shaking while his dad had his arms wrapped around her over the chair handle. she felt them, knew they were all there and waiting, before pointing a trembling hand to the door, left open.

they walked through the doorway a few at a time, slowly creeping in with careful steps. the oldest went through first, then the middle few, and lastly the youngest four.

there he was.

his body was relaxed, _too_ relaxed on the bed. skin draining of life as time ticked by, eyes closed, eyelids sitting a little too heavy where they laid on his face, lips purpling. a small upturn in the corners of his lips, his last efforts used to show he died happy, peacefully. proudly.

there were a few seconds of shock in the room where everything seemed to slow down, registering the sight at hand. no one said a word.

it seemed like time had stilled for a moment. even the trees outside had stopped swaying in the wind, with perfect timing.

as natural reactions are, hyunsuk moved first to squat down to the ground, hiding his tears between his legs, an indirect bow towards the body in front of them. jihoon turned around, hands on his hips and blinking back tears, inhales sharpening with every step away from the bed.

the members began to follow once seeing the two leaders crack first, a sight none of them would ever wish upon each other. their two strongest hyungs, who carried the weight of the world on their shoulders, breaking down under the pressure into the smallest fragments of glass. fragile, but dangerous.

tears left them again, one by one, and soon the whole room was a mess of incomprehensible wails, open sobbing, anything they could do to show that they missed him, even though he's still there. that they wished he could come back, even though he's still right _there_.

only doyoung stayed put, no sign of any sort of tears in his eyes. he didn't cry, no, determined to uphold the promise however he could.

instead, he walked over slowly and put his hand on yedam's arm, covered by a blanket, unnaturally cold, and took a deep breath. everyone turned to look at doyoung, the odd behavior out of place in the room. breaths were held throughout, anticipating his next move.

"hyung, look, see?" doyoung pointed at his eyes with his other hand, slightly shaking. he laughed sullenly, his voice the only sound in the room as all of them watched him. he felt tears suddenly starting to form once he glanced at yedam's face and shook his head, maintaining his focus. "i kept the promise. you should too, yeah? your promise that you won't feel anymore pain, yedamie hyung. make sure to keep that promise, wherever you are now."

-

what do you say when your friend has died?

congratulations? i'm sorry? goodbye?

it wasn't goodbye yet. but there doesn't seem to be anything else that could be said in this situation.

hyunsuk crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it in the trashcan, frustrated. nothing seemed _right_ , seemed _good enough_ for yedam's eulogy. but then again, this situation wasn't really anything _right_ , was it?

he knew, already envisioned his 10 brothers up there with him, yedam behind them in the casket, when it should be all 12 of them on the podium of an awards show, taking home a hard earned trophy. hyunsuk should be writing an acceptance speech on these pieces of paper in his notebook, not a last goodbye for one of his members.

"knock knock," jihoon knocked on the door before stepping inside, closing it quietly behind him. "having trouble, aren't you? i sensed it. leader connections." he tapped his head with his index finger in a thinking motion, sitting down on hyunsuk's mattress.

hyunsuk sighed. "what do people say at eulogies? or better yet, what don't people say?" he asked, turning around to face jihoon on the bed, a tiredness in his eyes the younger had gotten used to. he had to, anyways, because everyone had it, no matter how small or how hard they tried to hide it. that exhaustion within their eyes, different from the idol exhaustion. they were tired of _this_.

jihoon simply held his arms out for a few seconds, waiting, before hyunsuk climbed onto him for a hug, wrapping his arms and legs around the younger.

they stayed like that for a bit. it was a silent way of showing support between the two of them. grounding, in a way. letting them know they were there for each other.

"you could start by talking about damie, hyung. like who he was to the team, y'know?" jihoon mumbled into hyunsuk's shoulder after a while, adjusting the smaller boy on his front when he felt him slipping off. "then like, who he was to each of us, i guess. and who he was to treasure."

jihoon could feel the tears seeping onto his shoulder and simply drew small patterns of simple flowers and swirls onto hyunsuk's back, tracing the older's spine with his finger.

"yeah," hyunsuk whispered shakily, small hands lightly holding onto the back of jihoon's shirt. "i think i'll do that."

-

they walked up to the podium one by one, standing near each other, crowding around the wooden platform. some of the members caught glimpses of yedam in the casket as they made their way up, flowers around his body, dressed up. they held back tears with lips shut.

black suits, black ties, black button-ups for mourning. hair brushed down to cover their eyes, red from who knows how much crying they've done within the past week or so.

hyunsuk set his speech papers up, tapping them a few times so they settled into place. with a clearing of his throat, he started, speaking into the microphone, soft voice echoing throughout the funeral home.

"bang yedam, to us, was more than just a member of treasure. he was our friend, our brother, our confidant, our motivation to do better. anywhere he was, he was the brightest person in the room, and that's not just because of kpop star." a pause to laugh at the small joke and clear his throat again before continuing. "to m-me, he was my talented younger b-brother, someone who i'll be endlessly...endlessly proud of. to, to jihoon, he was a partner in crime, sneaking their way to small victories in the dorm together—hold on." another pause, to breathe. he tilted his head back, blinking back a new set of tears. "j-jihoon, can you...?"

jihoon nodded in understanding, switching places with hyunsuk, who turned to the side so he didn't have to face the audience in front of them when he cried. he breathed deeply, hands trembling, and spoke. "to yoshinori, he was a gentle cuddle buddy, seeking out quiet shows of affections and comforts when needed. to junkyu, he was a silly little brother, one he could easily joke with after knowing him for a long time, someone who he'd seen grow up to be so talented." jihoon faltered slightly when he heard sniffling from behind, ears perking up. it was junkyu, he knew it was, the little sounds coming from the younger easily identifiable. jihoon tilted his head a bit, a light twitch, before moving on.

"to mashiho, he was someone who always put his best foot forward, who danced with him when no one else would. to jaehyuk, he was someone to seek warmth from, someone he could lean on and cry when needed, because yedam knew what he needed every time, and maybe sometimes that was just a hug that he was more than prepared to give. to asahi, they were the unstoppable producers, bouncing ideas off of each other during late nights and set on taking over the world with their music.

"to doyoung, he was his ultimate home, wordless moments in the nighttime giving something to the both of them nothing else could to help make it through the next day. to haruto, he was a motivator, a sign to keep going forward, but also to relax and let loose when things got tense. to jeongwoo, he was the jerry to his tom, constant brotherhood and bickering between them never seeming to stop, but still saving each other in moments of darkness. and to junghwan..." jihoon trailed off, looking over towards the youngest member with his head down, the gloss of the tears evident on the sleeves of his blazer. "to our youngest junghwan, he was the strongest person, the one that could face the world without regrets, an unstoppable force of talent and passion.

"and to treasure, he was our vocalist, the middle gem, bang yedam. he was the glue that held us together, the last puzzle piece that fit just right between all of us. even though we may have lost him, our puzzle will continue to fit together to fill that empty space. thank you."

-

from the limousine, the four members who were chosen to carry yedam got out slowly, eyes never leaving the ground. they waited as the casket was pulled out, ready to lift him to his final resting place. hyunsuk and jihoon took the back, doyoung and junghwan taking the two front corners. they had arranged it beforehand and thankfully it was these members, as none of the others were even close to strong enough to carry the casket.

the other members had gotten to the site first and waited, gathering around the area. everyone was crying at this point, hugs from relatives mixed with comforting words and tissues flying around. wreaths of flowers had been brought to the site as well, a decorative element as they said their final goodbyes.

the four carried the casket forward to the grave with somber, silent steps, and the workers of the cemetery helped to adjust it onto the mechanism that would lower him down in to the ground. the machine was cranked once, twice, before they stopped, to let people send him off.

family made their way towards the hole first, tossing roses on top of the casket with farewells and last thoughts spilling out so that he could carry them into the ground with him forever.

yedam's parents stayed behind as the other groups moved forward, holding the metal bars of mechanism tightly, never even imagining the circumstances in front of them. they'd always thought their places would be switched, that it'd be yedam crying over them once they left this lifetime. but here they kneeled, crying over their only child, mumbling under their breaths as many words as they could, tucking him in like they've done all those nights when he was younger.

except this time, it's for the last time, to an eternal sleep.

next came the cluster of friends yedam had within his lifetime, coming from the many groups he'd joined, be it school or scattered trainees and ex-trainees. they might've left the company, but yedam never left them, visiting the funeral after hearing about it on news outlets. one friend of his broke down as soon as he saw the casket and started sobbing violently, led away by another friend of his to sit down.

lastly was treasure, who had watched in the back of the crowds of other people, letting those closest to yedam pay their respects first. they joined the line one by one, crowding around the casket on all sides, red roses in hand.

each of them mumbled assorted wishes, last words to yedam. words that they hoped reached his soul somewhere, hoped he was listening to wherever he was. words they mumbled into the petals before tossing them down, hoping they'd stick onto them as they were buried underground together.

yoshinori tossed his rose in first before he choked up again, excusing himself to a corner to cry because this was it.

it only now hit him that he'd lost another person in his life, another person so near and dear to him, that he wished he could have had more time with. someone that he'd cherished was gone again, slipping from his grasps helplessly.

at the thoughts of another person, no, another _loved one_ gone from him, yoshinori cried his feelings out into his hands, not caring about who was looking at him in the moment because _this_. this was grief. 

he felt a pair of arms wrapped around him, knowing it was asahi who had silently sneaked over to him. he turned around and started at asahi for a few seconds before his lips began to tremble again, eyes watering, yanking asahi into a tight hug. afraid that if he let go, the younger would be gone too.

asahi understood, of course he did. knew very well that yoshinori needed this. so he let him.

once the flowers were all tossed in and everyone had finished, they all backed up to clear the way for the workers who began cranking the mechanism again, finally laying yedam to rest. as the casket began to lower into the ground, doyoung's eyes suddenly began to well up with tears, nose loosening, breath picking up. he panicked, eyes widening, because...

_why?_

he was doing so well, holding out for so long, he was upholding his promise, he was, he swore he was.

so why did the sight of the casket being lowered into the ground, the thought of it tucked away forever, start to make him want to _cry?_

in the back of his mind, he knew why. it was the crushing, _crashing_ realization, similar to yoshinori's, that yedam was not alive. that he was never going to see him again, he was never going to hear yedam's laugh again, never going to joke around with someone like that again, going to care and hug and _love_ someone like yedam again.

yedam was _dead_.

junghwan noticed as he looked at all of his members, scanning how they were all doing. he saw doyoung's lips pursed into a frown through the tears in his own eyes, shaking hands starting to wrap around his body in an attempt to stable himself. because he'd be breaking the promise.

the youngest maneuvered past the people and got to doyoung, stopping a few inches in front of him and held out his arms for a hug. doyoung gladly, relievedly, took the hug, breathing heavily into junghwan's shoulder, arms wrapping around junghwan, gripping onto the back of his blazer tightly and eyes tightly shut.

"you're so strong, hyung. he's proud of you," junghwan mumbled softly into doyoung's hair, tears falling as he pulled the older impossibly closer to him. "yedam's proud of you."

and doyoung began to cry.

\-----------

"c'mon kids, we're gonna be late!" hyunsuk called to his dorm, waiting at the doorway for the rest of the members.

haruto came out of his room first, yoshinori and junkyu trailing right behind him, carrying flowers and candles in a grocery bag, a light skip in their step that hyunsuk doesn't think he's seen in a long, long time.

the four made their way down to the second dorm, knocking. the third dorm came up at the same time, also carrying flowers along with some fake money.

"jihoon! are you and everyone ready?" junkyu banged on the door aggressively. jeongwoo opened the door, glaring at the older for all the loud noise, before stepping out into the hallway with the rest of the group.

"shiho hyung's done, so he'll be out in like two seconds, but jihoon and doyoung are getting something."

"is it...?"

"yeah. so let them take their time."

-

the 11 boys piled out of the vans once they arrived at the cemetery, immediately rushing over to yedam's resting place. a headstone had finally been put in place, a new addition since they last visited half a year ago. it was simple, fitting for yedam, and had a base with a hole in the middle for the pot of flowers. grass had grown over the patch of dirt above his casket, effects of time.

the youngest few rushed over to his grave immediately, set on sitting down and chatting with him, fighting over who would get to speak first just like siblings bickering on a tv show.

"yah, we have to tell him about the music show win!" haruto whined, shoving junghwan to the side. "hyung, did you know that we—"

"hyung noooo, what about the hair color changes?" junghwan interrupted him, pushing haruto away and keeping the older behind his arm to speak to the headstone. "hyung, _my_ hair is pink now—"

"you're prioritizing the wrong thing, hwannie, why don't you tell him about the vacation we took to hawaii durin—"

"all of you hushhhh," jeongwoo gestured for them to settle down, "and tell him about the _thing_." he shushed the other two and nudged doyoung to get up. the older jogged over and grabbed the large stone piece from jihoon with a nod and a smile. he rushed back and all the members gathered around to watch as doyoung placed the block against yedam's headstone, the twelve baby blue diamonds engraved on the stone with the navy blue glittery rock base glistening in the sunlight.

he stepped back to let them all admire the sight, one that gave them a sense of peace. closure.

"you say it, jaehyukkie hyung." haruto piped up suddenly, looking at said boy and eyeing towards yedam.

"w-why me—"

"he would wanna hear this from you, hyung. you can say it," jeongwoo hugged him from behind, laying his head on jaehyuk's shoulder. "for yedamie hyung."

jaehyuk closed his eyes and took a deep breath before beginning, recalling the script well. everyone had practiced it, ready for when the time came to choose whoever felt right in the moment, but jaehyuk never thought it'd be _him_ saying it—he'd always envisioned it to be hyunsuk or maybe doyoung. though here he was, pushed to the middle, prepared to tell yedam the words he knew by heart at this point.

"well, the, we got this stone commissioned, right? i don't exactly remember from where, but we set this up for you," he looked up at the clear sky and continued talking. "it's got 12 gems on it, if you can see this, one for each of us. and look, the one that's supposed to be you is a white one while the others are a pale blue. because within our diamond, you shone the brightest.

"we miss you a lot, yedamie, and we hope you're watching over us somewhere. we're still here, still doing music. we've traveled the world in the short amount of time, bringing a picture of you along with us always, even if it's tucked into the corner of a wallet, because we want you to experience it with us. oh, and we've gotten awards, damie, a lot of them. some songs you wrote even got awards. you should be proud of yourself, give yourself a pat on the back for us.

"you know, we have a new motive that's been added to the music since you've been gone, a new motive to keep going, a reason why we're still idols." he looked down for a bit to see all the members looking at the sky, contentment on their faces and a newfound twinkle to their eyes that did their best to tell yedam everything's okay. a light to them that jaehyuk admired. "we're doing it for you."

he never realized how much he's missed this until now when he looked at all their faces, this beaming radiance of treasure together as _treasure_. a slight bitterness to their looks but an overwhelming amount of _content_ balancing it out.

being content with something didn't mean it's the most ideal situation—it certainly wasn't _okay_ that yedam wasn't with them anymore, far from it—but they'd accepted the reality now, something they had to do months ago.

even if memories stay, life goes on. and their lives went on for yedam.

"everything's been for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello<3 lets get this author's note STARTED i have lots to share :] here's all the information about the fic u didn't need to know lol, because this is my Baby! and i'm gonna overshare the fuck out of this authors note.
> 
> okay So! this idea came about on the most fateful day of oct13 and by god now i just realize what day that is. at least it wasn't a friday this year. pls do not ask me why i wanted yedam death because if i knew i'd tell you, but now that i'm finally finishing this i feel a little sad because ive been workin on this one for nearly a month and talked about it a fuckin bunch on twitter (tw death like every other tweet) lol so thank u to all my friends and everyone on the tl had 2 put up with my yedam death bs. u all probably think i am insane now.
> 
> man, it's neraly been a Monthh as im writing this,,, it feels like it's been forever. originally this was actually not going to be the 7k words it is, i wasn't planning on that at all tbh. it just happened so now i'm like :DD okay! that's fine, because i had lots of ideas to cram in here and i managed to make it work (REALIZED I MISSED ONE BUT...thats alright). uhh i talked about this one a lot but also fairly vaguely so people both knew and did not know what i was talking about. i will miss writing "tw death [insert something about yedam dying fic, or as i penned it "damific"]" but it will happen again someday. this is not the last of yedam dying, or any of the trsr members for that matter.
> 
> yedamie has cjd, which is basically a deteriorating fatal brain disorder that causes a lot of fun stuff such as (but not limited to): dementia anxiety muscle contractions and Death, as evident in the fic. there is no Cure! but u can alleviate pain w treatments. it was also super hard to diagnose so no one...no one knows he has it, not even himself, they just know hes DYING. cjd happens 2 old people (60+) and yedamie is young, so there's the unrealistic part i was talkin about haha. funeral scenes are inspired by all the funerals ive been to (i went to three in like a year so uh...scratches neck Yea). the crying promise and doyoung r inspired by my little cousin, who was told not to cry by my grandma (and he didn't! but doyoung did, because Pain :D)
> 
> mason (@w0npils on twt) helped me with youngies part where he's talkin about promises to yedam! he also helped me with the summary because i can't write summaries lol. and star (@sehyoongf on twt) helped me with the chapter idea (this was originally going to be a oneshot but they suggested it be split into two and i was like "GASPS" that was so good so here we are now. and that works, because i had two titles anyways :D).
> 
> don't think this is the last of death fics you'll see from me! i have many...many death ideas *smirks* and who knows? yedam might (will) die again someday<3
> 
> find me at @HWANNlES on twitter (the i is a lowercase L)!  
> see you next time! :D


End file.
